how an elderly woman and some shiny unmentionables joined to make me question getting out of bed today

Gas station, waiting for my tank to fill up. 

Old lady pulls up to the pump in front of me, begins to back up. Old lady backs up into bumper, stops. Old lady backs up further into my bumper (crunching sound), stops. Old lady backs up AGAIN, at which point i'm all "HEY HEY STOP". Old lady opens door, dressed in her fancy Talbots best. "Are you okay?" i demand. "Yes." "Are you sure?" Old lady ignores me and looks at her bumper, which is scratched, then mine. I brush off some dirt. "That's not from my car" says the old lady rudely, then turns around and walks away.
Conversation over, i no longer exist. 
Not once did she look me in the eye. No "oh my goodness," or "I'm sorry".

i wish i had taken her license plate number because when she pulls out i see her weave in traffic. ugh.

Later i see a giant black truck with chrome covered balls. i commence asking the universe "why, why, why...?

i need a week...

a good long week

to sit and think...

of things i like

and want to make

not because everyone else does...

but just because i do.

tired and a glass of wine.

Last night i thought to myself, word-for-word: how could anything possibly be more current than it is right now??

muh.

i've never felt so mediocre.

Just doesn't look right.

For along time I've felt that the letter G should come before F in the alphabet. These are the kind of things I think about.

overcompensating

Guys that buzz around driving deafening ridiculous cars and bikes are pansies.

what am i supposed to be doing again...?

veeeeery hard to focus today.
saw the doctor this morning and i'm now more informed and slightly relieved about a few things, and yet more discouraged about others. i am feeling so mentally out of it...! i kind of just want to sleep until tomorrow.

on a happier note, here's a cute ian picture:

hey

it's a new week...starting on a tuesday!

i just realized it's 3:30 and i haven't had lunch.

today...

...i'm thankful it is friday. and a long weekend, at that. there is a lot i need to do and catch up on in the next dew days.

...i realized that the year is 3/4 over. WHAT?

...the house will be finally emptied, and it still hasn't really clicked. never walk barefoot on that grass again? never pick figs from the trees? never sleep in my mom's childhood bedroom...so many things...i can't imagine life without this home...
i'm trying not to think about it too much (haha). i'll probably write more later when i don't have work i should be doing : /

...i'm also really sick of this government. but who isn't? that's boring. who wants to hear about that.

epoch of the sad, sad orchid

When i started my job here at WildBrain almost 3 weeks ago, the other 5 people in the room i work in (the background department...we're a TEAM!) decided we needed to spruce the place up a bit. My supervisor brought in some abstract art by his 3 year old daughter and another BG painter brought in a lava lamp, and some drawings by her 6-year old.
i brought a copy of a Sargent painting i had torn out of somewhere...a couple of books, and a very, very, sad, sad orchid.

so much bitter-sweetness.

where is everything going...?

impaired

sometimes i put on my glasses when i'm having a hard time hearing something.

crescendo!!

sometimes i make really simple songs sound fantascically epic in my head.

yep

at a friend's this evening a tender spot on my heel had increased to real noticeable soreness. i looked at it and saw a small dark line...thereby figuring it was a splinter and i would just pull it out when i got home. a few minutes ago in my bathroom, i bent my leg into an almost impossible shape over my hip, took a pair of tweezers...and proceeded to pull out a straight, stiff black hair that had wedged itself almost a half inch into my foot.

i think it was pip's.

whoooaaaaa

chad and i were walking through downtown clairemont yesterday, and a short distance ahead i saw some planters, people sitting on benches, and a wall covered in murals. there was a man standing in front of the mural examining it very closely...i thought it was funny and kind of weird...i even remarked about it out loud.

then as we passed him, we realized he was just peeing on it. chad started walking really fast and i began to laugh aloud. "DON'T JUDGE ME!!" he yelled in drunken amusement. "I KNOW YOU'RE JUDGING ME!!"
 i had to run to catch up with my very embarrassed boyfriend.

blink

why am i still awake...

sometimes i forget how blessed i am.

...

perusing down the aisle at trader joe's...

employee: you need help finding something?

me: no thanks!

employee: oh, so you just look lost, huh?

jeez.

sometimes...

...it's 3:46 am and you're so tired you can't see straight but you're so wound up inside your own fearful, overactive brain you begin to wonder if you should just give up and read or write until you hear the birds start to sing...

tickly

i was just in the midst of writing a serious, thoughtful post, but then i discovered a tiny spider spinning a web--on my arm--and decided to write about that instead.