i sat in the dark of the room, my arms wrapped around his tiny form, trying best i could to calm him.
the first try of putting ian & henry to bed hadn't gone very smoothly :[
sometimes the chaos of being a sick baby twin causes tears for the sake of tears...a little mind is so tired and distressed it can't calm down enough to sleep...!

while ginger consoled henry (who was screaming because he banged his head on the wall) i sat with ian and rocked him. he was so exhausted it only took a few minutes before he was still and sound.

his body relaxed against me, his head heavy on my shoulder. his little hand stroked my arm sleepily, and i listened to him breathe.

and once again, as it has so many times now, i was grateful that he was there to hold...to cradle, and rock and comfort and love with all my heart. because he almost wasn't.

and again i thought of gwen, that she was just this age when she died, and the mystery of the loss of her life that saved ian's.

i held him as close as is humanly possible, and gave thanks for him. even in the dark i closed my eyes...

thank you, Lord God, for saving him for us! keep him safe as we go on...

BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM

someone.

is having.

a RAVE. down the street.

BASS almost rattling my windows. people SCREAMING. WHISTLES blowing incessantly.

so exhausted. i was ready to fall asleep at 3 this afternoon. and stayed out til about 7 by the skin of my teeth.
i thought i was tired and depressed enough to fall asleep in spite of the nearby madness.

looks like...not.

i guess it's time for the sleeping pills and earplugs.

thingz

Chad and i have been making lots of terrariums...it started out as his Valentine's day surprise project for me :) i was already kind of obsessed before that...but now i'm TRULY obsessed. Like, buying books and constantly looking for new materials. At this point we're just experimenting for possible wedding centerpieces and also because they're super fun to make. We'll see if what we're doing is working!

Still sick...still. Just, exhaustion, dizziness, nausea...it's been weeks now. It's certainly the epstein-barr...i just don't feel like going to the doctor and getting poked with needles and paying lab fees to have them just tell me what i already know. :[

We've all been enjoying time with the boys...Ian is doing a lot better as far as his ability to move around, so that's been wonderful. I was looking at some pictures and videos i took of him before they left for arizona for christmas, and he looks like a completely different baby...not swollen, not pale, and head just brimming with long blond waves. Sweet babe...

Caid went in for bloodwork yesterday to begin to determine his eligibility to be Ian's bone marrow donor.

i miss painting so much that it's kind of aching in me. i think--i think--i have a pretty rad idea for a figure series. And it's nagging me to get started...but where, how, etc...is a mystery to me.

thousands of words

 Recently...

Caid climbed on a wall...

There were two snuggly babies on my pillow...

Dad showed me how to smoke a grape vine twig... 

I hung out with Pip, (who is getting married on Saturday)...

and Caid amended his Christmas list.

you did, little girl puppet.

Something you hear on the TV if you live in a house with small children.

Girl Puppet: Hey Elmo!

Elmo: Helloooo!

GP: Did i just hear you say 'hooray for underpants'?"

Caid's Christmas list...(that first one is "spinosaurus", for all you non-paleontologists out there)

Ginger asked me, "Colleen, do you know where the perfect place is to kiss a babe?"

"No, where?' i smiled.

"C'mere, Caid," she said, and gently took his face in her hands...

i'm hungry!

So much better. Prayers worked :)

This morning i took this picture from Joey & Ginger's window facing out over the hills...a cool November day. They say we have more rain coming tomorrow...i can't wait.

I just indulged myself in a super cute pair of Toms. When they come, and if they fit, i'll post a picture. :)

Have you seen the opening for the Office season 7? (the best version i could find is flipped :/ but it's still good)

I am contented today...in spite of things really not being much different than usual. This morning when he called to wake me, Chad prayer for blessings on my day, and on his. I think that's why i'm feeling so happy. 

quetzacoatlus

Ginger (in the kitchen doing dishes): I'm cleaning this quetzacoatlus.

Joey (on the computer working): You gotta clean those quetzacoatluses.

Me (from my room): No one likes a dirty quetzacoatlus.

Joey: Right. Show me *one* person who does.

Me: (pause) I can't.

Joey: Know why?

Me: Why?

Joey: Cause there aren't any.

baby baby

Recently, as i was mindlessly sorting through a clean load of my laundry, i suddenly pulled out a teeny tiny white onesie. I don't know how it got in with my clothes, and i don't really care (though i wouldn't put it past Henry to already be sneaking into my room and causing trouble).

cutest. surprise. ever.

i had a venti americano this morning

Well, thank goodness i only had to languish in a crowded assembly room for one day. Look how proud i am to do my civic duty!

My sister did this drawing for me on monday...
It's been a looong week.Yesterday i thought i was regressing health wise...but doing better today.

Speaking of which, i have a doctor's appointment today to discuss my blood. :D
In the past year or two i've had my blood taken more times than i can remember...and i can say that the big fat bruise that developed after the nurse took blood last week...? not what's supposed to happen.
But she talked to me about Halloween raves and how awesome they are while she did it so it's cool.

Today is Bilbo and Frodo's birthday, by the way. Also known as Hobbit Day. Yes, it's a thing.

Caid is steadily becoming a Miyazaki fan. He absolutely LOVES My Neighbor Totoro and hums multiple songs from the score. I'm so proud!!
His favorite part, he says, is "when they get the acorns"...also "the part with the goat". His favorite character is catbus. He likes to make noises like catbus does...he sounds like the garbage disposal.

OH i forgot...i found a pure white hair smack in the middle of my bangs yesterday. In my bangs--which i look at multiple times a day. Which means it wasn't there day before yesterday. (of course, being me, i pulled it out and have since glued it into my journal.) How does that HAPPEN?? also, ITALICS!

Joey said that he saw a dead owl on the freeway the other day. An owl.

 i really should be working.

arliufgva;rui

i hate hot. i hate this HOTTT. i also hate ants.

hot and ants need to die now...ALL DIE!!

the kids love their netflix

I'm glad (usually) that i have a job to get me up in the morning. And on days when i don't have to worry about that...? There's always the guaranteed fail safe of squealing babies outside my door by 7:30 :)

A couple of weeks ago whilst getting dinner ready, Joey asked me if i had ever seen [movie i can't remember]. I replied sheepishly that i had, in fact, not.

Joey: (shaking head with a pained smile) Ohhh it's so good...

Me: (regretfully) I know, i know, there are so many good movies i need to see.

Ginger: We have it streaming on Netflix.

Me: Yeah, I need to start a Netflix account.

Caid: (wide-eyed) Netflix can do ANYTHING!

boom

Slow start at work today...well, slower than normal. Being overtired turns me into a 15 year old PC--including, but not limited to--obsolete programming, frozen a dozen steps behind, frequent crashes and an abundance of viruses!
Sleep has been super stressful lately for reasons of general body self-sabotage and brain-function rebellion to the max...it makes it a real bummer when someone sets off a firework in the middle of the night.

I was supposed to report for jury duty yesterday but i postponed at the last minute. Best decision i've ever made.

"in"

baby poop on my washcloth...i think i am officially a member of the household.