sighs for long ago sunshine...

Today is a beautiful day. It's not cold, it's not hot. I left my desk to answer my phone and went outside to an afternoon that begged to be rejoiced in...

Today is one of those days that i wish i was 11 years old...in the sense that i am yearning to run around my grandparents' backyard with my little sister and play pretend. Go swimming...then sun ourselves on towels spread on the grass. Eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while the cool breeze lifts our damp hair around our faces. Make crowns out of clover blossoms. Doze off to the lullaby of soft rustling leaves in the trees, the buzzing of bees, you can almost hear the clouds moving through the cerulean sky. The sounds of a fast-approaching summer. 

But i'm not 11...i'm 30. How did that happen??
I'll never run around my grandparents' backyard and play pretend again. I'll play pretend with my own children one day...but my grandparents' house is gone. We had to sell it 2 years ago.
My mind is heavy with the weight of now. Of being a grown-up...of things like aging parents, being laid-off last week, helping and encouraging a tired husband. Not to mention all the hurt and suffering those around me are experiencing...!

But how wonderful to have memories of those days to think back on and be grateful for. I'm so glad we had that house. I'm so glad the Adams got to bring their babies there. I'm so glad I had a job to support Chad and me these past months, and i know the Lord will bring another along. Chad and i knew this first year of marriage would be hard, with him being in school and working, and me in this industry that i feel i have no place in...but for some reason God has me here. And at least we get to see each other every day...even if it's just for a few hours in the morning or evening.

I guess more than anything i just wish i could go play outside in the sunshine with my sister. in bare feet. in our little girl bodies. with no bigger concern than making sure we didn't get peanut butter and jelly in our hair.

25 days: musings

liquid amber carpet

i had to buy 3 new long-sleeved shirts. It has been consistently not-hot for a little while now, and i realized how ill-prepared i was for it. (not that i wasn't super happy to go out and buy a few things to wear!)

i can without a doubt say that time flies no faster than when you are counting down the last days til your wedding. in 3 and 1/2 weeks i'm getting married. it seemed so far away at the beginning of the year, and it has gone by. so. fast.
i'm finding myself scrambling with little things (and a few big things) that i feel like, just yesterday, i had months ahead of me to take care of. Note to all who may benefit: *one's previously quirky and sometimes delightful penchant for procrastinating is not a boon to wedding planning*

Chad and i are still looking for a place to live. We're not exactly worried, we know that God will have us where He will, but it doesn't mean we're not anxiously scanning rental sites and driving up and down streets of surrounding cities. We've actually narrowed down some promising leads as of yesterday, so that's exciting!

We've been doing some premarital counseling with Bob, the man who is marrying us. (He watched us both grow up, my sister was the maid of honor in his daughter's wedding, and his son and i went to school together from pre-k through high school.) Aside from being a sweet and new way to get to know Bob--the goofy 60-something that likes to surf around the world and used to let me jump off of the top of bookshelves into his arms when i was 3--it's given Chad and me some good perspective, important issues to consider, and things to closely examine in ourselves. Which is probably more of the point (:

With my sister, Sarah, and her husband, we've been going through a book called The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller, and that has been wonderful. God is amazing. His word is not obsolete. It means and applies to our lives just as much now as it ever has.

Chad and i are slowly preparing for the merging of our two very separate lives into one. From our possessions to our souls. From our bank accounts to our bodies. It's overwhelming. amazing. unreal. and yet...one of the most starkly real things i will ever do. 

It has been humbling, difficult and often painful. Also i'm seeing what an amazing man i have been blessed with...along with becoming more aware of his flaws, i'm also seeing more and more of his talents, his beauty, and his Godly spirit; one who longs to love me as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her. 

what more have i to say?

something's different...

Sometimes your sister uses your work computer over the weekend...so you come in on monday to find your Cintiq skewed at a weird angle, your desktop covered in a guy dressed as pokey, and a copy of your favorite Sargent painting gruesomely defaced.

i call that a good start to a monday.

i had a venti americano this morning

Well, thank goodness i only had to languish in a crowded assembly room for one day. Look how proud i am to do my civic duty!

My sister did this drawing for me on monday...
It's been a looong week.Yesterday i thought i was regressing health wise...but doing better today.

Speaking of which, i have a doctor's appointment today to discuss my blood. :D
In the past year or two i've had my blood taken more times than i can remember...and i can say that the big fat bruise that developed after the nurse took blood last week...? not what's supposed to happen.
But she talked to me about Halloween raves and how awesome they are while she did it so it's cool.

Today is Bilbo and Frodo's birthday, by the way. Also known as Hobbit Day. Yes, it's a thing.

Caid is steadily becoming a Miyazaki fan. He absolutely LOVES My Neighbor Totoro and hums multiple songs from the score. I'm so proud!!
His favorite part, he says, is "when they get the acorns"...also "the part with the goat". His favorite character is catbus. He likes to make noises like catbus does...he sounds like the garbage disposal.

OH i forgot...i found a pure white hair smack in the middle of my bangs yesterday. In my bangs--which i look at multiple times a day. Which means it wasn't there day before yesterday. (of course, being me, i pulled it out and have since glued it into my journal.) How does that HAPPEN?? also, ITALICS!

Joey said that he saw a dead owl on the freeway the other day. An owl.

 i really should be working.

doodle a day

i have a really talented sister.

in the hall...with the lead pipe...

every year, around the same time, my sister has a birthday.

sometimes she asks you to you come to her party dressed as characters from clue.

top row: Professor Plum (chad), Mr. Green (alec), Miss Scarlet (laura), the Lead Pipe (thad)

bottom row: Mrs. White (me), Colonel Mustard (sarah), Miss Peacock (amber)

i just have to say...this picture has some of the best faces ever. *cough*thad.