view from work

these cloudy mornings
the lush hills out my window
green trees and houses

relief

I said to God that as soon as i had an income, i would find a child to sponsor through World Vision.

3 weeks ago i started a new job...and got my first paycheck...what a glorious day!

So then, with great excitement, i committed myself to this little girl:

Her name is Darlove, and she lives in Haiti. She likes drawing and playing with dolls...and for $35 a month she and her family can be fed, clothed, educated, and protected.
What's one less pair of shoes i can buy for myself...in exchange for giving a beautiful little girl a chance at life? I can live with that.

havin' a laugh

state of the web

a blessing

The view out of my window at work is incomparable. Especially when i'm here early enough to see the sun rise over the hills.

be still

I am learning that i'll just never know the reasons why things are allowed...i must somehow content my self that God does. And that He has promised His allowance of all things in His love. Last week our dear friends Kent and Nicole had to watch their newborn baby boy Everett suddenly succumb to seizures and could be facing permanent mental and physical damage from a blood clot in his brain.

They wrote this in a recent their email update:

epoch of the sad, sad orchid

When i started my job here at WildBrain almost 3 weeks ago, the other 5 people in the room i work in (the background department...we're a TEAM!) decided we needed to spruce the place up a bit. My supervisor brought in some abstract art by his 3 year old daughter and another BG painter brought in a lava lamp, and some drawings by her 6-year old.
i brought a copy of a Sargent painting i had torn out of somewhere...a couple of books, and a very, very, sad, sad orchid.

i've always preferred it cloudy

"Behold, He cometh with clouds."
~Revelation 1:7

"In the Bible clouds are always connected with God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings or providences, within or without our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we should have no faith. 'The clouds are but the dust of our Father's feet.' The clouds are a sign that He is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow and bereavement and suffering are the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near without clouds, He does not come in clear shining.

"It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials: through every cloud He brings, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in the cloud is to simplify our belief until our relationship to Him is exactly that of a child - God and my own soul, other people are shadows. Until other people become shadows, clouds and darkness will be mine every now and again. Is the relationship between myself and God getting simpler than ever it has been?

"There is a connection between the strange providences of God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him.
'They feared as they entered the cloud . . .' - Is there anyone 'save Jesus only' in your cloud? If so, it will get darker; you must get to the place where there is 'no one any more save Jesus only'."

~Oswald Chambers

thank you, my sweet chad, for reminding me of this.  <3

things

i think i'm in slight panic mode right now...

but i'm working, so that's good. it's fantastic, in fact.
i'm just...weary.

and my face is trying to kill me.

so much bitter-sweetness.

where is everything going...?

"in"

baby poop on my washcloth...i think i am officially a member of the household.

just things

Ian is doing a lot better :) thank you for prayers...they worked. Now waiting to find out what exactly is going on in his little system.

Gwen's 3rd birthday was on Saturday...lots of wondering and pondering of sadness and God's purposes.

On Monday i start my new job on The Ricky Gervais Show.

Yesterday we had a great 4th of July at my mom and dad's...the twins were a hit, as usual. There was an epic photoshoot with them and Caid...i'll later post some of the hilights.

Trying to keep my mind on things good and pure...and to have a perspective of the eternal.

Sweet Ian is in the hospital again...please pray for him...

 ...ever a gentle, happy, patient little guy, he's fighting the best he can!

 but we need the Lord's help, too.

thank you <3

oh sweetest gwen

my heart will not believe

you are really gone

i love you so much

and i'm still broken inside with missing you

impaired

sometimes i put on my glasses when i'm having a hard time hearing something.

"no, mom!"

i've been listening for no less than 15 minutes to Ginger and Caid talking about animals. Mostly dinosaurs and desert animals. They've come to a point of disagreement... and Caid is now getting a book to *prove* to Ginger that he knows his facts about iguanas.

 (do keep in mind, Caid is 5)

13. shudder.

Honestly, i don't really trust people that never went through an awkward stage.

unknown

so much to do...that needs to be done...but how or when is a mystery to me.
i try to pray a lot, to be active and wise in my pursuits...but also wait on God's clarity. it always comes if i am truly patient for it.

waiting is hard.

not waiting and doing what is wrong is harder.

and so, i wait. and just do what i need to do today. (which, at this moment, means going to sleep)

grey cloudy days compound melancholy. who'd've thought?

Addison's Walk

I'm sick (again), so i slept in late today. I woke staring out my window, lost in thought, pondering the infinite wonder of this world that God made.
My thoughts led me consider how there is nothing mankind can invent that will ever be truly original, since all we can fathom are things somehow bound by the rules in which we ourselves are created. As fantastical, bizarre and abstract as man can be...everything still utilizes, directly or indirectly, gravitational laws (by use or manipulation), existing colors, biology, senses, engineering, philosophy, and even spirituality...

Just now i was reading a biography called "The Inklings", and read this poem written by J.R.R. Tolkien for C.S. Lewis...

Man, Sub-creator, the refracted Light
through whom is splintered from a single White
to many hues, and endlessly combined
in living shapes that move from mind to mind.
Though all the crannies of the world we filled
With Elves and Goblins, though we dared to build
Gods and their houses out of dark and light,
and sowed the seed of dragons--'twas our right
(used or misused). That right was decayed:
we make still by the law in which we're made.

I read it again.
And smiled in peaceful happiness.

huh

the internet just kind of...bores me now.