i've been burdened and overwhelmed to weeping tonight. events surrounding me with friends and family, through the world...and fear and death...have for the present flooded my mind and heart to the brim. loved ones sick with death looming near, and others already gone, people lost and hurt, old wounds bleeding fresh and fast.
i carry in my chest tonight an anxious heart. i don't want to face tomorrow. i'm afraid to hear bad news, afraid to hope, afraid to disappoint, and be disappointed.
trying so hard to be faithful in prayer. i feel so feeble and weak.
in some ways i'm afraid to pray, afraid to acknowledge possibilities by praying for them not to happen.
loving hurts so badly sometimes.