i sat in the dark of the room, my arms wrapped around his tiny form, trying best i could to calm him.
the first try of putting ian & henry to bed hadn't gone very smoothly :[
sometimes the chaos of being a sick baby twin causes tears for the sake of tears...a little mind is so tired and distressed it can't calm down enough to sleep...!

while ginger consoled henry (who was screaming because he banged his head on the wall) i sat with ian and rocked him. he was so exhausted it only took a few minutes before he was still and sound.

his body relaxed against me, his head heavy on my shoulder. his little hand stroked my arm sleepily, and i listened to him breathe.

and once again, as it has so many times now, i was grateful that he was there to hold...to cradle, and rock and comfort and love with all my heart. because he almost wasn't.

and again i thought of gwen, that she was just this age when she died, and the mystery of the loss of her life that saved ian's.

i held him as close as is humanly possible, and gave thanks for him. even in the dark i closed my eyes...

thank you, Lord God, for saving him for us! keep him safe as we go on...


This from Ginger!
“I am so happy and blessed to say that we heard today that Caid is a MATCH for Ian as a bone marrow donor!!! Praise God for this answered prayer! This is the best news I have had in a long time! Thank you to everyone for praying for this! May I humbly ask for continued prayer on the remaining gene test that we are waiting on this week? We want a mutation identified so we can know about Henry. Love to all of you.”

Ian, Caid, Henry



Still no word on HLA typing results for Caid. They said maybe tomorrow. Please say your prayers again tonight for Caid to be a match for Ian.   ~Ginger




is having.

a RAVE. down the street.

BASS almost rattling my windows. people SCREAMING. WHISTLES blowing incessantly.

so exhausted. i was ready to fall asleep at 3 this afternoon. and stayed out til about 7 by the skin of my teeth.
i thought i was tired and depressed enough to fall asleep in spite of the nearby madness.

looks like...not.

i guess it's time for the sleeping pills and earplugs.

so apparently this really resonated with people...

no i mean it, when i posted it on facebook it garnered over 20 likes in one day & numerous comments and shares...
if that's not poignance, i don't know what is.



Chad and i have been making lots of terrariums...it started out as his Valentine's day surprise project for me :) i was already kind of obsessed before that...but now i'm TRULY obsessed. Like, buying books and constantly looking for new materials. At this point we're just experimenting for possible wedding centerpieces and also because they're super fun to make. We'll see if what we're doing is working!

Still sick...still. Just, exhaustion, dizziness, nausea...it's been weeks now. It's certainly the epstein-barr...i just don't feel like going to the doctor and getting poked with needles and paying lab fees to have them just tell me what i already know. :[

We've all been enjoying time with the boys...Ian is doing a lot better as far as his ability to move around, so that's been wonderful. I was looking at some pictures and videos i took of him before they left for arizona for christmas, and he looks like a completely different baby...not swollen, not pale, and head just brimming with long blond waves. Sweet babe...

Caid went in for bloodwork yesterday to begin to determine his eligibility to be Ian's bone marrow donor.

i miss painting so much that it's kind of aching in me. i think--i think--i have a pretty rad idea for a figure series. And it's nagging me to get started...but where, how, etc...is a mystery to me.


lately i've been...

Sick...something decided to ravage my digestive system

Researching succulent care and terrarium-making

Madly looking at wedding inspiration

Loving Ian, Henry and Caid

Being grateful for my fiancee who already lives to take care of silly me...

Reading books by Shannon Hale

Lamenting all the people i need to be in touch with and of course, am not

Screaming at Downton Abbey

Rediscovering my love for St. Vincent

Updating the site about Ian & the family. Speaking of which...
*Keep up with what's going on with Ian on the blog i'm keeping for the Adams: supporttheadams.com




OVERwhelmed...Ian is having a difficult day and Ginger is worried.
I've a horrible headache, and my brain won't stop thinking of things that make me anxious.

Lord, please be here today...