i've been working all week on my first real, full-scale background painting...which i hoped to have completed by tonight...alas i'm heading to bed defeated! i'm just too tired...i'll have to finish it tomorrow. it'll be nice to be done with this whole "learning process" and be able to whip one out in a couple of days like everyone else seems to do! for now...sleep.
tomorrow i have my first day as a substitute art teacher at maranatha.
i was saying to my family tonight that i'm this really weird combination of feeling like kind of a cool, hip, older-than-them-but-still-young-enough-to-be-cool artist person...but also dealing with the fact that, when among them, the inside of me reverts back to a shy, insecure 15-year-old that is nothing but a painfully awkward geek who doesn't fit in with anyone...so it's kinda confusing.
andrew and i are sitting outside of a starbucks drinking iced coffee, when a woman and a chatting little boy walk by. they are nearest just in time for us to hear her her say sweetly to him: "sometimes you talk about things that really aren't that interesting to me." it takes a moment to sink in, but suddenly andrew and i are aghast in quiet, almost forced laughter, sharing whispered "oh my god"s as they pass us. we are speechless for a few seconds, then andrew smirks and says, "i'm sure the kid feels the same way."
a couple of years ago i messed up my knee so badly i still have to run with a brace on it...i hurt it by sleeping on it wrong. yesterday i bruised the bottom of my foot by pressing it too hard on the rung of the stool i was sitting on. i was concentrating so intensely on my drawing i didn't notice how much pressure i was putting on it for so long a time...and now it hurts to walk.
oh, i'm not stressed! i just have rocks in my stomach and my head kind of feels like a swollen balloon and i can't breathe too well and i want to curl up in bed and sleep for a month. but i'm not stressed.