so proud of this little one

pneumonia? no way!

lamby, beary + crocodile

mama + twin brother

pictures from May 23rd


today i...

snuggled with Maela

was delighted to find on our doorstep our first delivery of organic goodness

and every time i walked into the kitchen, 
i smiled at the beautiful blush peonies Chad got me a few days ago


i've been burdened and overwhelmed to weeping tonight. events surrounding me with friends and family, through the world...and fear and death...have for the present flooded my mind and heart to the brim. loved ones sick with death looming near, and others already gone, people lost and hurt, old wounds bleeding fresh and fast.

i carry in my chest tonight an anxious heart. i don't want to face tomorrow.  i'm afraid to hear bad news, afraid to hope, afraid to disappoint, and be disappointed.

trying so hard to be faithful in prayer. i feel so feeble and weak.
in some ways i'm afraid to pray, afraid to acknowledge possibilities by praying for them not to happen.

loving hurts so badly sometimes.



happy mother's day, my beautiful mama. 


hello, conviction.

"Where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint." Proverbs 29:18

Today's "My Utmost" kind of...well...stabbed me right in the gut, to be so graphic!

"There is a difference between an ideal and a vision. An ideal has no moral inspiration; a vision has. The people who give themselves over to ideals rarely do anything. 

A man's conception of Deity may be used to justify his deliberate neglect of his duty. Jonah argued that because God was a God of justice and of mercy, therefore everything would be all right. 

I may have a right conception of God, and that may be the very reason why I do not do my duty

But wherever there is vision, there is also a life of rectitude because the vision imparts moral incentive. Ideals may lull to ruin. Take stock of yourself spiritually and see whether you have ideals only or if you have vision."

~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, May 9th

How much of my life, my goals, my yearnings, are based solely in ideal
How much of my walk and duty to God have i unknowingly justified in neglecting...even in the light of having a right conception of Him?

"Are we expecting God to do greater things than He has ever done?"