gwen, sweet gwen.

i love you.

whhhssssshhhhhhhh

it sounds like there is a waterfall outside my window.

artax

gray

this morning i woke up to seattle in pasadena. i'm helping observe finals at maranatha today, and then i get to go see ian and henry and try to let Ginger get some sleep. then chad and i will record christmas music. i'm busy, exhausted, scared and happy.

i think what i'm doing right now is burning the proverbial candle at the proverbial both ends...

stressinging

why...after months of unemployment...i now have 3 employers that want my time and work?? i mean, it's WONDERFUL and THANK YOU LORD...but what do i do???

in the hall...with the lead pipe...

every year, around the same time, my sister has a birthday.

sometimes she asks you to you come to her party dressed as characters from clue.

top row: Professor Plum (chad), Mr. Green (alec), Miss Scarlet (laura), the Lead Pipe (thad)

bottom row: Mrs. White (me), Colonel Mustard (sarah), Miss Peacock (amber)

i just have to say...this picture has some of the best faces ever. *cough*thad.

cozy

you know you're really a grown-up when you can sit in your own apartment in a new purple bathrobe and eat cheese and watch pushing daisies with your roommate until 1am and no one can can tell you not to!!

oh and i have a new job.

and i'm 99% not sick anymore.

and there was snow on the mountains this morning. :)

jeffybear

 

 click it. make it bigger. trust me.

2

cool air round my bed
sigur ros drifts in my door
from the living room

warm glowing lights, i
hope it rains tomorrow and
that i sleep tonight

'

the night after i put up the pictures of gwen on sunday i dreamed she was alive again. i kissed her while ginger held her, she smiled her joyous smile and snuggled her face against mine, i could feel her fingers on my neck. her eyelashes on my cheek. but her voice...

i'm starting to forget her voice

brilliant

while talking to chad on the phone tonight, i checked my e-mail...

me: you sent me an e-mail!!

chad: huh?

me: you sent me an e-mail!

chad: i figured out how!!

it's true

laura is this moment listening to take care by beach house in the living room.

i love this song
i love it i love it i want to be it

that's all.

1 year

okay, i'm really ready to not be sick anymore :(

care

what makes being this awfully sick well worth it? when a certain lovely man drives for 45 minutes and braves my terrifying germs...just to bring me soup and keep me company for a few hours. 2 evenings in a row. i'd call myself spoiled, but it's all still so new and unreal to me...so i'll just call myself blessed. :)

color theory?

"purple is all relative."

         ~justin, maranatha junior

life lesson #8

make sure you really eat enough breakfast when you take your vitamins in the morning. because vomiting into a trashcan in front of a group of students outside a classroom is not the best way to start a long day of substitute teaching.

sometimes, i can be tricky

i had far, far too much fun pissing off the crazy aggressive driver behind me today. i also think i'm lucky to be alive.

yep

at a friend's this evening a tender spot on my heel had increased to real noticeable soreness. i looked at it and saw a small dark line...thereby figuring it was a splinter and i would just pull it out when i got home. a few minutes ago in my bathroom, i bent my leg into an almost impossible shape over my hip, took a pair of tweezers...and proceeded to pull out a straight, stiff black hair that had wedged itself almost a half inch into my foot.

i think it was pip's.

98...99...

i got this book 100 Cupboards for my birthday 2 days ago and i'm almost done with it.

i love it when that happens. complete capture.


thank you alec and sarah!!

littlest boys...

...

i met sufjan stevens today...
(handshake) "hi colleen, nice to meet you, i'm sufjan."


*

i muttered a few words.

and proceeded to hide from him for the next hour and a half.

SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW SUFJAN TOMORROW

early.

me: how are we both up at 7am? what's going on??

laura: i know. it seems wrong.

whoooaaaaa

chad and i were walking through downtown clairemont yesterday, and a short distance ahead i saw some planters, people sitting on benches, and a wall covered in murals. there was a man standing in front of the mural examining it very closely...i thought it was funny and kind of weird...i even remarked about it out loud.

then as we passed him, we realized he was just peeing on it. chad started walking really fast and i began to laugh aloud. "DON'T JUDGE ME!!" he yelled in drunken amusement. "I KNOW YOU'RE JUDGING ME!!"
 i had to run to catch up with my very embarrassed boyfriend.

she's *what*???

laura and i just had a really strange and confusing conversation about two different people while both thinking we were talking about the same person. in the end, it was just really funny. :)

henry and ian :)

gah

i can't sleep. all i can do is think of how much i want to see and hold and know the babies.

happy birthday

the boys have arrived...! 

ginger and joey's twins were born tonight at just under 30 weeks...not quite december, but it is what it is...

left: ???          right: henry

henry ~ 2 lbs, 7 oz
quoth joey via facebook: "this is the dude that kicked the bag open and started the whole ruckus, then got really tired."

no name yet! ~ 2 lbs 11 oz
joey again: "this guy played it cool, stayed in the fluid and when he got on the outside had a lot to say about the abuse he endured for 7 months."

dearest Ginger had them tonight by c-section. they just couldn't wait any longer...

i'm speechless

God is amazing. ~PLEASE keep praying for them all~

3

waiting for the babies

i need to learn to play the harp

i think i've realized what i want to do with my life...

relief

thunder, lightning, rain, 75 degrees.

happy october!!! :D

melting

one hundred and ten degrees.

blink

why am i still awake...

my heart

oops II

sometimes, when you're painting, you get confused and wash your brush off in your beer. 

oops

sometimes, when you're painting, you get confused and wash your brush off in your coffee.

la cañada rain

i did this watercolor a couple of weeks ago for chad's birthday. i like it.

i want to do more :)

the church of body modification

yep, it's a thing!

some people are like jewels.

i had breakfast at the pikes this morning with my cousin amy. this is a picture if hers...mine's there in the background. it's pretty much the same...except i also had a bagel and cream cheese.

yummmmm

excellent

things like this are pretty much why i have facebook.

(click the picture)

 

gold

There's a spot a few blocks from my apartment where there grows a bush of brilliant golden lantana. i pick some every time i walk by...though it doesn't last long even in water. i think it's become one of my favorite flowers...i love everything about it...the pungent smell, the perfect shape, the rich color...

it's times like this my favorite color is yellow.

nervy

"Have you ever sought God with your whole heart, or have you only given a languid cry to Him after a twinge of moral neuralgia?"             ~chambers

...as thought provoking and convicting as this quote was--immediately following said conviction--all i could think of were ways i could use the word neuralgia in my everyday conversation.

BANG

mojitos

the ac runs, i
laughed so much my sides hurt, but...
still lurks disquiet

perspicacity

i am finding inspiration in the landscape paintings of the 19th century artist George Inness--particularly his later work. these are the kind of paintings i would like to make if i ever really try my hand at plein air. he was quoted saying: "The true use of art is, first, to cultivate the artist's own spiritual nature." i relate a great deal to that. i believe he was a man who knew God and knew that nature was glorious because it was made by God...and i find such joy in that!!

might as well just say it...

know what's really weird? having my first boyfriend at 27 years old.

it's also kind of awesome.

invertebrate shoes...and magical bugs

"the water...is invertebrate!!"

okay.

i'm ready for it to be cold now.

it's hot

after a rather tumultuous couple of days i was happy to have some time today to get myself together. this afternoon i organized months of paperwork while watching star trek tos and eating some chocolate chip cookies.
i feel extremely productive.

psalm 33:20-22

paralytic

sometimes there's just no beating around brokenness

i'm achy, scared and i want to cry

being damaged inside is horrible.

i had a dream about taking care of my grandpa last night...it was exhausting. 

what has two thumbs and is seeing sufjan stevens in october?

THIS GIRL!!

*

head...so...light...

woooo

i like being an artist.
even if it means the occasional turn as a slightly psychotic left-brain-less awkward nut job of a dysfunctional human :)

SOMEONE FAN MY FACE

SUFJAN IS PLAYING AT THE WILTERN THE DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY I THINK I MAY DIE OF HAPPINESS BUT HOPEFULLY NOT BEFORE OCTOBER 23RD OMYGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH

awe

in flagstaff you can see the milky way.

the finest glitter spilled across the blackest sky.

it feels like--until now,  i've never really seen stars before.

hanging out with caid

 a shy little wombat

that a way!!

 

and off we go...

pray for daisy

look...

maybe you've experienced this, or maybe it's just me...
but i've found that learning to see your worth in the eyes of Jesus, and in the eyes of those who esteem you is hard, painful work. you wouldn't think so, but it is.

owww

every time i see someone parked in our alley and there isn't a little white paper stuck under their windsheild wiper...a small part of me dies.

sometimes i forget how blessed i am.

i never stop wishing i could hold you again

nova scotia

i don't really know anything about it except that it's pretty to look at and apparently the lobster is good. but i want to go there mostly just because the name is so fun to say.

well, just accidentally trashed the entire month of april on my iphoto. including all my coachella footage.

f*@&.

effing eff.

*really* pissed at the city of pasadena right now.

i can't afford to buy a loaf of bread and i get ticketed twice in one week for parking in places i've been parking for months...EVEN MY LANDLORD PARKS IN THE ALLEY DURING THE DAY, for heaven's sake! you better have given HIM a parking ticket!

yes that was me yelling.

yo

so remember how i was in a group show last night? well this will give a little taste of what went down...



and it has my name in it...which is pretty sweet.
i almost feel marginally hip.

hot

it's hot

da, io voglio beaucoup autres langues sprechen, por favor

i really wish i was smart enough to be a linguist.

a desire that started about 7 years ago and comes and goes like a slow-ebbing tide.
right now it's pretty high and i'm buried to my waist in it. sigh.

no, really

so, yeah...i'm sick and exhausted, overwhelmed with circumstances beyond my control, and have no idea what i'm doing with my life...

...but just felt sorta...happy and hopeful today.

how bout that.

ache

rough morning.

unsure and uninspired...
physically and emotionally drained.
so many people are suffering.

grateful that the only thing i can do, is also the best thing i can do--that is--to pray.

whoo

hey. i'm going to be in an art exhibition this saturday night. you should come check it out.

i wrote about this same group show a while back...you can see the post here. this time i'm in it!!

mod melange

i don't really have any new work...since the theme is "process", most of what i will be showing will be preliminary pieces or unfinished ones.

the other artists are ridiculously amazing. you will not be sorry.

check

crossing big things off my to-do list in the past week.
work possibilities pursued, finished the script, wrote a LOT, finalized what i'm putting into an exhibition in LA, trying to diligently pray and commit my every day to Jesus, and in general taking just a few steps closer towards the rest of my life...

hallelujah...

...what a Savior
hallelujah what a friend
saving, helping, keeping, loving~
He is with me to
the end.

bam

i'm just now beginning to fully realize (yes i meant that) how truly challenging, upheaving, difficult, painful, amazing and exciting the rest of this year has the potential to be.

second birthday

...

perusing down the aisle at trader joe's...

employee: you need help finding something?

me: no thanks!

employee: oh, so you just look lost, huh?

jeez.

food/ant for thought

i've been teaching a summer school art class with wren. the kids are rad...there is a particular tiny 7-year-old girl named jenna who is adorably sensitive and eloquent. on monday i was telling a few of the kids that i ate an ant when i was little because i was trying to copy mowgli from the jungle book, and that it was spicy...

jenna: i ate an ant once!

me: yeah?

jenna: they are kind of spicy.

me: i know!

jenna: why?

me: i don't know, maybe--

jenna: cuz God made em that way?

me: yeah.

jenna: (nods) probably.

smile

i love that laura is sitting in the next room all by herself eating mac & cheese and laughing at wallace & gromit.

rylee anne

vailant grace 

life is precious. pray now for this life, so that we may rejoice in her recovery with her family.

sometimes...

...it's 3:46 am and you're so tired you can't see straight but you're so wound up inside your own fearful, overactive brain you begin to wonder if you should just give up and read or write until you hear the birds start to sing...

in theory...

i have friends that could drop into every single yearly category.

i love that.

man.

if only i had a dollar for every time i've said, "yep--just like the police department".

h2oh yeah

washing the paper
sloshing the colors around
watercoloring

just

had a really rad job this week
been busy and thinking about lots of things
oh and see Toy Story 3 in 3D because it's amazing.