Ian hospitalized

Ian has been in the hospital (CHOC) since saturday. Initially it was because he ran a fever, and having had a BMT that means a 48-hour stay in the hospital, to make sure it's not an HLH flare-up.

But he has been worsening the past couple of days, and now has the beginnings of pneumonia in both of his lungs...i'm so worried...Ginger is so scared.

Head over to the blog to get updates...and please pray that he gets through this quickly...


sick again??

Second time this month. really not liking this trend. first time it was Caid & Henry's fault! This time it's my parents!! ...or maybe staying up too late at a wedding on saturday.

Lord, i really, really need to be healthy for the next 7 weeks! As soon as the honeymoon's over, hit me with whatever. Please!

Mailed out a huge load of wedding invitations today....IT'S HAPPENING

A couple of weeks ago they had a pumpkin carving day at work. Being true to disney, i decided to do a villain. So, I carved a pumpkin that looked like scar.

Unfortunately i left it at work in my cubicle over the weekend...and the warmth of the office combined with a propensity to mold took care of my poor pumpkin real fast. At least i got a picture of it!

Here are Ian and Henry at my birthday thingie my family had for me. Isn't Ian looking amazing??

i'm going to go take a nap and feel pathetic now...


the wedding is in 60 days.

60 DAYS.

this time last week it was 65 degrees and raining and SO beautiful. it hailed...it thundered...i wore tights and a jacket. happiness was mine!!
on saturday it began warming up again. today it's 95. i suppose 4 days of fall are better than none?
anyway, like i said, i'm getting married in exactly two months...and i'm trying allow myself to feel the overwhelm-sion, to acknowledge the stress, but also pair it with being as anticipatory and excited as i can!
it's mostly worked, that keeping in perspective of what a happy kind of stress and craziness this is... and that's not something one can usually say!

i've been thinking of the ceremony. i've been thinking of the hows and whos and whats.
in there among all that has been popping in the question of a flower girl. that tradition of a precious little beauty in a precious little dress bumbling down the isle before the bride walks out.

and all i can think of is gwennie.

there are many other little girls i know...beautiful, sweet, dear little girls i love. little girls who would be perfect...but thinking about them walking before me instead of gwen just breaks me.

because if gwen was here--her little whispy-haired 4-year-old self--it would be her. i only want her...my heart feels like having any other child walk in the wedding instead would be a disservice to her.

and then i feel horrible, selfish, silly.

i still don't know what i'm going to do. i had an idea of having Caid walk down as the ring bearer, or Henry and Ian, all holding red balloons in memory of her.

for a moment i let myself tell God it's so awful to even have to ponder this. it's not fair.
but He knows why this is all needed and necessary, so i chastise my short-sighted self-righteousness and move along.

a girl at work this morning told me i looked weighed down, and she gave me a hug...it actually made things a lot better. and now i'm getting all weepy...but i need to finish this background today...! i guess my immediate prayer is that i could do just that. i'll think about everything else later.



some days...

...some days are just harder than others.


eye of the sparrow

"bad lip reading" of the first presidential debate. my favorite part starts around 2:15. one commenter wrote: "is this the trailer for the hobbit?"

go HERE and be amazed.

also, this picture of the Princess Bride 25th anniversary cast reunion. 
chases, escapes, true love, miracles.



if God gives me babies someday...i want to remember this.

I already hate having pictures taken of me. i haven't liked it since i was about 14 and my nose blew up and i got braces--aaand i never really grew out of it. 

I'm so glad there are so many precious pictures of my mom with my sister and me (not that she ever needed to worry about getting her picture taken)! I want my children to have documentation of the same sweet moments and memories. I need to remember that. 
reading Peter Pan
Halloween 1987


Silver + Gold

Sufjan is releasing a new Christmas album :)

yet one more reason to look forward to winter.

Silver & Gold: Songs for Christmas, Vols 6-10