so, so seedy.

people's conversations in this peet's are almost *always* ridiculously amazing. these two guys at the table right next to me...i don't even know where to begin.

they're in their 60...i don't know if they're friends or just met...but one of them is telling the other about his seedy past.

About how he made decisions that left him destitute, then he hitchhiked to NY, then he "conned his way into welfare", then he met a woman, started a relationship, then never called her again ("she was pissed"), on and on...and after all of it, he told his friend that his one regret was...ready?...that he stopped meditating. because meditating made all his problems seem so small and insignificant. 

he just quoted bill mahr. he calls himself a "congregational existentialist". he hates young actors because they're "petty little fuckers...and poets who will do just about anything for a 50 dollar bill". and his wife does tai chi.

oh...and the other guy does tai chi, too.

aaand they both just said "nice to meet you" to each other and left through separate doors. 
huh. and there you are.


it just depends

some days are like this

and others are more like this

sometimes i know why, and sometimes i don't.


oh, monday

5 minutes ago: 

i'm standing outside of the studio blowing my nose, when i hear a familiar baritone quip: "i'm early!" to a few men standing about ten feet away from me. i have no choice but to continue filling my tissue with snot as Will Arnett walks past. "sorry," i mumble as i turn away bashfully. 

what a glamorous life i lead.


i sent this to some friends today, and then i thought i'd put it here, too, so i don't forget it.

so, i was reading "my utmost for his highest" this morning before work (trying very hard to do that every day…so far i've made it 2! woo!) i originally flipped to today's devotional, then glanced over to grab something and when i looked back to read it it was on the 5th. so i read that instead :)

it. relieved me. 
i know we're all dealing with heavy loads and needs and trying to do our best in infinite things in our lives…work, families, school, health, emotional struggles, etc.
for me it's trying to get a super awesome start to this new job (and not be constantly afraid of failing), be healthy, be a good wife, plan for the future, be more open to people, stay in better touch with friends, be creative…the list goes ON and ON. 

anyway, in the midst of this i just found it sweet that God knew to encourage me to rely on him and not on myself for all these things…from social anxiety, to deciding to eat kale instead of pizza for dinner. i emboldened my favorite parts. 

Jesus answered him, ’Where I am going you cannot follow Me now, but you shall follow Me afterward’ —John 13:36
No one is in front of Peter except the Lord Jesus Christ. The first “Follow Me” was nothing mysterious; it was an external following. Jesus is now asking for an internal sacrifice and yielding.
Between these two times Peter denied Jesus with oaths and curses. But then he came completely to the end of himself and all of his self-sufficiency. There was no part of himself he would ever rely on again. In his state of destitution, he was finally ready to receive all that the risen Lord had for him. No matter what changes God has performed in you, never rely on them. Build only on a Person, the Lord Jesus Christ, and on the Spirit He gives.
All our promises and resolutions end in denial because we have no power to accomplish them. When we come to the end of ourselves, not just mentally but completely, we are able to “receive the Holy Spirit.”— the idea is that of invasion. There is now only One who directs the course of your life, the Lord Jesus Christ.

(Here's the link to the whole thing)