i sat in the dark of the room, my arms wrapped around his tiny form, trying best i could to calm him.
the first try of putting ian & henry to bed hadn't gone very smoothly :[
sometimes the chaos of being a sick baby twin causes tears for the sake of tears...a little mind is so tired and distressed it can't calm down enough to sleep...!

while ginger consoled henry (who was screaming because he banged his head on the wall) i sat with ian and rocked him. he was so exhausted it only took a few minutes before he was still and sound.

his body relaxed against me, his head heavy on my shoulder. his little hand stroked my arm sleepily, and i listened to him breathe.

and once again, as it has so many times now, i was grateful that he was there to hold...to cradle, and rock and comfort and love with all my heart. because he almost wasn't.

and again i thought of gwen, that she was just this age when she died, and the mystery of the loss of her life that saved ian's.

i held him as close as is humanly possible, and gave thanks for him. even in the dark i closed my eyes...

thank you, Lord God, for saving him for us! keep him safe as we go on...

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