Wren and i went to Phoenix and saw Ian this weekend...i'm tired. we only stayed for one night, but holding him far outweighed the time and energy spent.
i loved feeling his tiny hand hold my finger tightly as he slept. i hated seeing him so drugged, feeble, sick and sad. i loved seeing him smile for his mommy. i loved hearing Henry laugh when he saw us.
i hated to leave.

i drove out of Phoenix today with an aching heart and overwhelmed mind, and arrived in LA emotionally and mentally raw. thrown straight back into the tumult of life in my family, it's only within the last hour or two that i've really realized how frayed i am...thoughtless, short-tempered, distracted...and finally crying in the bathroom like a baby. i'm finding myself sorrowful and grieved.
God's going to make this all okay, but right now my mind and heart just aren't handling everything very well.

i miss Ian and Henry and the rest of the family already, and i can't ask you enough to keep praying for our little precious boy...

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